S126. It is pure love on a level that few people will understand


This year I am a 25 year married man. In fact, I have had a good relationship for years and in recent years we have been going out quite a lot in the party dance world.
On a night that I went out walking with a friend, I noticed a woman with a particularly beautiful appearance. She was dressed in white with a lace at the back. In passing, I pulled impulsively as I am on her lace and said; I want to know such a beautiful lady, “my name is B”.
Then she introduced herself. I’ll call her A.
Not much happened that evening, but after that evening I unconsciously hoped to see her again. That has happened about three times. At one point we made an appointment to go to how appropriate, happydayzz. This was on Christmas Eve. I realized that night that I would fall for this woman. At that time I did not feel anything special as a soulmate, but I did feel a very strong attraction. We kissed each other and started a process of seeing each other and calling each other more often.
From that moment on everything went in a gear gear and I had moments like if she was sitting next to me in the car. During exercise I had the idea that it was A when a woman looked at me.
I also went to dinner with her and together we visited Sint Jan in den Bosch. When I looked into her eyes I literally read her thoughts. …. “Yes” that’s what she would answer if I ever asked her. I increasingly feel that I would like that too.
A says she has the feeling that we were once 1 and found each other again. And as if I’m her masculine side.
I don’t know how to say it but when I see her it’s like coming home, her voice is like music. It is as if it has always been that way and we simply belong together.
When I look into her eyes I see myself as if I am looking in a mirror.
During my wedding I have done something outside the house several times but I would not be able to do this at A, if I would lie to her I would lie to myself. !!
I also get the feeling that I can’t live without her anymore.
Gradually we got a lot of feeling for each other and expressed that we love each other. I even said that sometimes (no matter how strange) it is a shame that you are married, so I am in this case. Stupid ?? but that’s how it feels even though I’ve always had a good time at home. I also get the feeling that I have not cared enough about my wife because why have I been so strange? I honestly have A everything that I have done wrong in my life. The relationship with A is pure and genuinely otherwise I would not want her either.
During our first evening out, A told me that she once met a psychic by accident. This man predicted that she would meet the love of her life. It would be very intense and intense, but there was a problem. …. He is married! And it happens faster than you think, even before Christmas. Well … as we had the date on Christmas Eve and the spark was a special experience. I asked her how does it end then? whereupon A told me, “I’m not saying that because I can’t influence you” “but we’ll always see each other”.
After a while I went to the same psychic and although I did not fully believe in this kind of thing, the conversation was very special but at the same time frightening. I see things that this man is right about. And also think that he may be right in the things to come.
In the meantime it has come to my wife what feelings A and I have for each other. And what makes it even more special is that the women called each other and sat on the phone crying about me as a person.
I have to say in many respects the women are also very much the same, both are warm types. And still like each other. And rightly my wife is angry with me because I lied and denied that I saw A.
I gradually come in more and more and a situation that it is more difficult for me to give my wife and there is also a lot of a tense situation
. Even though she really wants me for herself. Isn’t that beautiful? Most women would fire to win a man, but A would not.
Along the way I get more and more respect for her in addition to my love.
In the meantime, my wife has said that if I cannot fully surrender to her, she herself will go further. I still have a loving feeling for my wife but the feeling with A is different and many times stronger or maybe I should say just different I think pure and the feeling of being one. A would really like to continue with me but does this without bothering me. She thinks it must be a choice of mine to want to be with her. I still have the problem that I don’t want to hurt my wife after leaving her for 25 years. So I live a lot between hope and fear. There are many people who don’t get it and only a few that I can honestly talk to. It is also not about sex (which we do have) or something but it is pure love on a level that few people will understand.
That feeling cannot be stopped and does not depend on time or distance.
At this moment I let everything go as it should and think fate will choose me. Perhaps because I am not man enough to tell my wife “I am going”.
But she sees from everything that my head is with A and that rightly hurts her and of course she doesn’t deserve that.
It is all a bit hopeless right now. At the moment 22-5-07 we are still in the middle of it.
I even have the fear of losing both. So I am a bit desperate.