S060. Soul love has brought me an incredible amount of pain and sorrow


I applied and was invited to the interview. That was with 2 men. I recognized one immediately. I think he felt that way too. I had a close relationship with him almost immediately. I felt at home with him, very, complete. But the tension between us was also enormous. Sometimes we couldn’t even be in a room. We couldn’t talk about it either. We have never been able to. He couldn’t handle it, was very scared of it.
It took about 2 years, then he left. I was devastated. If I had dared, I would have ended my life. The pain is still terrible. I still tried to maintain contact, but he couldn’t do that either. He wanted to cut it off, he said. I would like a (intimate) relationship with him, I would not want to live together. Then I think a bit too much.
I have not seen it for over a year now and I cannot get it out of my head or system. And nobody understands. I went to a hypnotherapist “to get rid of it”. That has cost a lot of money and nothing helped. Still after all this time I hope he will come back.
I have also been afraid that I am not psychologically normal or something. I don’t feel whole now, not complete. I miss him terribly and I can’t enjoy anything anymore. Which God does that to you.

So we were colleagues. He later even became my boss. We sometimes talked for hours with each other, which other colleagues didn’t understand. We couldn’t talk about our feelings alone.
I had a relationship. I didn’t explain to my husband how it felt. By the way, I did not know what that terribly deep feeling was, I am only now finding out through this site. My relationship has since ended. Fortunately I am still a good friend of my ex. I now no longer have any contact with my soul love.
The biggest obstacle that we always encountered was the enormous tension that it always created. Sometimes I just couldn’t talk when he was around. In a room with hundreds of people I only saw him or I actually felt him.

Soul love has brought me an incredible amount of pain and sorrow. It was very intense. The most special thing for me was that we ‘feel the same’.

I would therefore recommend others to speak about what you feel for each other. I now regret so much that I didn’t force myself to discuss it with him. I was afraid of ruining the employment relationship.