S030. He made sure that I found the extra power in myself


I got to know my soul love through a forum a long time ago, he knew earlier than I that we have a special commitment. I only realized that I had met a very special person, because I felt no barricades, his presence. Recognition of a feeling I have felt before. Being able to feel what the state of mind is of him, being able to share thoughts (from a great distance), knowing when people are thinking of you etc.
My relationship was ending, my (now) ex knew nothing about my soul love. Although he had the intuitive feeling that I had met someone else. My ex also went looking for information and confronted me with his findings. My ex was very frustrated because I left him, he certainly felt betrayed.
My soul love gave me an energy boost, he stood there at the rotten moment of my life. Just suddenly. Half himself still (not) realizing what he did to me. He made sure that I found the extra power in myself, that I could fight hard for myself. Spiritually, before I got to know him, I had already entered a different phase. I felt very happy, just knowing that someone is going through the fire for you, without actually saying that.
We had a friendly relationship, we both felt the tension, each other (continuous). Both of us were actually afraid that a love relationship would not work because both I (and he) needed time for themselves, fear of hurting each other so badly. Friends was safer.
Distance in building was the hardest part. We did. I closed myself off (spiritually) for him, he needed distance and for me it didn’t feel good to stay ‘up to date’ with his mind.
We now have a ‘friendship plus’, something is still brewing. It is nice to feel that there is someone for whom you are special, that there is someone who respectfully respects you.
I find the most special thing is expressing mutual respect, the overwhelming feeling for each other, expressing the bizarre line between us. It is a confusing feeling that you can care so much about someone that it almost hurts, frustration with the fear of hurting him, the feeling that it is so fragile.
Fortunately, enlightened, special because the feeling is there, the knowledge that maybe not everyone is allowed to experience this.
I have the feeling that this is not common, it is tempting to just pursue that feeling. It is easy to forget that you may only be happy because you were allowed to feel that feeling.
I have a very good feeling, everything will be fine, we belong together, I know, he knows. Only I am afraid that I may not feel it right, he is still overwhelmed by who I am, by the feeling I call upon him. The fear of being hurt (for his part) can destroy all of this. But then again ‘so be it’, we will always care about each other, there will always be that magnet feeling.